Bury Me In Ruffles

Continuing that Hypothetical Staging of Jesus Christ Superstar...

Tue, 30 Apr 2019 04:00:30 GMT

Me: Erin. Erin. I was thinking about the hypothetical JCS production again.

Like, a lot.

What if Mary Magdalene has lots and lots of friendship bracelets as part of her outfit...

...and all of the Apostles noticeably are also wearing one?

Except Judas, because he wouldn't wear his. Alternately, she tries to give him one during "Everything's Alright," but he just stares at her.

Alternately-alternately, he just stares at her, then notices Jesus watching, and grudgingly lets her put one on his wrist.

Her: :o I see!

...Judas doesn't want one, then sees Jesus take one, then begrudgingly accepts one

Me: Yes, yes good, because Jesus is a good bro and would happily accept Mary's bracelet.

And I've been thinking more about hoodie!Jesus, and the idea is really growing on me.

Like Jesus's outfit consists entirely of this big white hoodie that's AT LEAST two sizes too big, and worn-out jeans with the knees ripped out, and Birkenstocks, because I have a lot of feelings about Jesus in Birkenstocks.

And the overall effect is he looks kind of sloppy, but also SUPER-approachable and cuddly. Maybe ALL of the Apostles look like they got their clothes out of a Goodwill dumpster, except for Judas.

I mean, Judas doesn't need to be a full-on Gucci-douche or anything, but he's noticeably more put-together than the rest of them, because I always feel like people ought to work that "he MIGHT be skimming off the top of the treasury" bit in there, somewhere. And then Jesus can be pointedly referring to his outfit with the "look at the good things YOU'VE got," after he tries to call Mary out as a dumb wasteful hooker with the perfume.

Her: ...I am definitely here for a cuddly Jesus.

Me: He is the CUDDLIEST Jesus. He heals with HUGS.

...also at least one Apostle ruffles Judas's hair during "What's the Buzz?" and Judas just pulls a comb out of his pocket and starts grumpily tidying himself up.

Her: If he heals with hugs, no wonder he gets so overwhelmed when everyone wants healing.

Me: The hugs get very frazzled by the time he's covered in lepers.

And maybe Jesus rarely puts the hood up, maybe it's like a security blanket thing where he pulls it up when he's stressed-out, like right before the lepers show up while he's singing "my time is almost through..." And at the start of "The Last Supper," but he ends up shoving it off again right before he starts calling out Apostles.

And it's up when they drag him in to see Pilate the first time, just so somebody can yank it off to present him to Pilate as "Someone Christ, King of the Jews."

Her: Ooh, yes.

Me: SPEAKING OF PILATE: Okay, we already discussed wanting him dressed like Treize Khushrenada but in Tyrian purple, yes?

What if when they first bring in Jesus, he's behind one of those huge, ornate desks, more or less hip-deep in paperwork?

And they bring in Jesus, and he's just like, "...really? Really? I'm swamped and you bring me a scruffy hobo to deal with? Just...take him to Herod, or something; I've got stuff to do."

But when they bring him back, Pilate's got the cape on, and probably an officer's cap or something, because NOW it's serious. NOW he has to actually stand up and DEAL with things.

Her: Ooh

Me: And Herod...okay, what if when they show up at Herod's, he's throwing a huge, trashy Hollywood party?

Like clearly super-expensive but also completely tacky, "check out my $300 leopard-print t-shirt" kind of affair, like the thing you'd expect to see a bunch of reality TV stars attending, everyone's rich but they all look like fancy garbage...there's probably a chocolate fountain that some asshole has their entire face in, everyone's taking selfies, and Herod's probably snorting coke off of a stripper when they bring Jesus in?

Her: Building on that, what if Herod is, like, not /actual/ famous, but, like, Instagram!famous?

So Jesus being there is a thing of like "oh man I'm going to get SO many views!"

If there's a screen in the back it can show like his selfies/posts that are going up as he sings.

"Look who dropped by!” #kingofthejews"

Me: Omg, Instagram!Celebrity Herod...which just gives me the shivering horrors over the idea of internet celebrities being able to have people beheaded on a whim.

And then Jesus just RUINS EVERYTHING by not doing a magic trick for his YouTube subscribers, and he throws a giant man-tantrum about it.

Her: #jokenotlord #nothingbutafraud

Me: Yes perfect.

And then Judas, who's up until now been the most fashionably put-together Apostle, goes running back to the priests to give the silver back, but he's not so put-together anymore...shirt untucked, buttons undone, hair a mess, sunglasses sliding down his face, just an absolute wreck.

Her: Yes good

Me: And the priests toss him out on his face, and he has his breakdown, and pulls the sunglasses off during the "I Don't Know How to Love Him" reprise to mop up his tears, and by the end of it he's just straight-up wiping his nose on his sleeve because he's so beyond caring at that point, and he's got the sunglasses clutched in his hand all the while but he just carelessly drops them as he goes tottering off to find a rope.

Her: Oh no my heart

Me: Naturally when he comes back as a ghost, he's just...completely glam. The glammest thing that ever glammed.

Super-sharp suit, fancy tie, styled hair, sequins, glitter, he practically GLOWS under the stage lights, and (especially if he comes back as demon!Judas instead of angel!Judas) the sunglasses are back, intact and polished and completely hiding his eyes.

Her: Can he reach for his sunglasses a couple times out of habit, but they're not there since he dropped them before he died?

Nevermind you said other things while I was typing that.

Me: ...until he takes them off during the Crucifixion.

Just standing there, staring sadly up at Jesus while he clutches his sunglasses, and through some clever lighting he's not nearly so sparkly anymore.

Her: Hmmm

Okay but

Actually this changes characterization slightly so I don't know, but

Suppose he has the sunglasses, as you said, through Superstar

But then at the very last moment, they're forcibly removed

Like maybe one of the backup dancer ladies just glides by and is like *yoink* before he can react

Me: You mean like he's rocking out, and then when they start nailing Jesus to the cross one of the Soul Sisters yanks them off as they all just twirl off and desert him?

Her: And it syncs up with that abrupt change in music when Superstar switches to Crucifixion

Me: Ooohhhh, I could dig that.

Like he's got that snarky denial thing going on and then he HAS to face what he's done.

Her: Yes, exactly

Me: Maybe he slowly strips off his suit jacket and tie while he's watching Jesus, because it's just not "fun" anymore...it was never fun, it was just something to hide behind.

Her: Aw yes

All while never taking his eyes off Jesus

Me: Just staring up all the while, as he tosses his fancy demon clothes into the shadows.

Her: Mhm mhm

Me: Staring is all he can do, because it's not like he can interact with the other Apostles or Mary at that point. I've seen staging like that with two productions, and it's just devastating every time.

Her: What if he starts to reach out but then remembers they can't see him?

Me: OH OW.

Her: Like it's habit, because they WERE friends, before everything went down, and then... yeah.

Me: He reaches out to them and they just obliviously move away, but Mary's still draped over Jesus weeping, and after sneering at her all musical he finally puts a hand on her shoulder, even if she can't feel it.

Her: Yes good

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Because it’s Easter, and because it’s good to have theatre-dweeb friends...

Sun, 21 Apr 2019 23:00:40 GMT

In lieu of any sort of proper update after almost two years, have instead this carefully-reconstructed conversation I had with Erin in our hotel room this past Tekko:

Me: *in the throes of sleep-deprivation, and fueled entirely by sugar and enthusiasm* I had an idea.

Her: *a good sport, and up for whatever* Okay...

Me: Okay, bear with me here...

Her: *suddenly concerned* Oh no what.

Me: I need a production of Jesus Christ Superstar...where Judas wears sunglasses.

Her: *sudden relieved laughter*

Me: *wheedling, also laughing* Whaaat?

Her: I was expecting so much worse, you were so serious, all “bear with me,” and then *striking a pose I was evidently holding* “...Judas with sunglasses.”

Me: NO HEAR ME OUT THOUGH. I don’t want him to just WEAR the sunglasses, I want him to, like...always have them on top of his head, or clipped to his shirt, or be gesturing with them, or chewing on an earpiece because why NOT have a Judas with an oral fixation, but not really WEARING them normally until “The Last Supper,” when he just has them jammed square on his face so he doesn’t have to make eye-contact with anyone. And then he can whip them off dramatically for, “Every time I look at you, I don’t understand.”

Her: Oh, oh yeah, but he should put them back on for after “Gethsemane.”

Me: But the kiss is after “Gethsemane;” I feel like they would get in the way for the kiss.

Her: No, not for the kiss, I mean the stuff AFTER, where he’s trying to not to be seen during the trial, well not the TRIAL, but the...the...*hand-flail* interrogation.

Me: OH! Oh yeah, that works great, but they have to come off for the suicide, somewhere in there.

Her: They HAVE to come for the suicide, at some point.

Me: And then, and then if we want to be REALLY angsty about it, one of the Roman soldiers can just...toss the sunglasses at Jesus before “Trial Before Pilate,” maybe they’re broken or something, and that’s how he finds out Judas is dead.

Her: *hand on chest* OH, gosh, FEELS.

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Maybe she needs a night-light.

Thu, 20 Jul 2017 03:17:41 GMT

I was just in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower when I heard a thump on the door. My dog was standing there when I opened it, and she gave me a doggie-smile and walked to the bedroom, and stood there looking over her shoulder at me until I turned the light on in the bedroom, at which point she walked in and laid down.

To reiterate, my dog knocked on the bathroom door to get me to turn a light on so she wouldn't have to sleep in the dark.

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Is "doo-wopping" proper grammar? Or should it be "mournfully wopping doo?"

Thu, 08 Jun 2017 02:25:43 GMT

I've been watching old Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? episodes on YouTube lately, and...well, look, I'm not even going to try to pretend that Rockapella doo-wopping mournfully over a laughably low-budget flattened Greg Lee prop isn't simultaneously hilarious, and kind of touching.

Also, a pondering: If you're doing paperwork for a nun, and the nun sneezes at your desk, and you say "bless you," is it lucky?

(That actually happened, by the way. The nun sneezing, I mean. But also flat!Greg.)

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One way or another, this means I need more sleep.

Wed, 26 Apr 2017 01:56:54 GMT

Laj: So last night I had a dream that I was out in the back yard looking at a big rainbow hot air balloon. Only I was younger, and the rest of my family was there, and we were all saying how we haven't seen a hot air balloon around in ages.

Then we went back inside, and I think we were having cinnamon buns, and then I looked out the window and noticed the balloon was in our yard, and the basket was all tangled up in the ivy on the oak tree near the fence, so we ran outside to see what was going on, and Patrick Stewart was in the yard. Apparently he crashed his rainbow hot air balloon, and was trying to figure out how to get back to his sky kingdom, where he's a prince.

And I kept trying to take a picture of him and his balloon, because otherwise nobody would believe me, but I couldn't frame it right and it kept coming out blurry.

Then I went to a cosplay store and bought metallic hair spray.

Celinra: ...that is the most fantastic dream I have ever heard.

Laj: I remember Prince Patrick Stewart being very gentlemanly, but nobody expected anything less.

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